sweet dreams are made of these..

i am sure that everyone has, at one point or another, felt that their dreams meant something more. Could be a premonition,a warning,an inspiration,a matter unfinished.. the possibilities are endless right? I had this dream of going on a kind of a tour around the city of Paris: complete with the luminous lights of the city at night, Eiffel tower, lounging at the posh cafes, tucking into souffle and cafe au lait.. it was quite numbing and left me with a pretty sore spot on my head.I mean, i've never been there,of course!Perhaps i've seen images of Paris, on tv, or on national geographic magazines and such, but i really am not sure about it. What is freakier, right before my eyes snapped open after that dream, i glimpsed myself in front of my house!-it was like going on a holiday and coming home again.. the images were pretty vivid, and somehow left me with this longing to go there someday (*to which mum would say:'in your dreams',haha!such irony!). Yeah,that dream could be because i ate some bad clams and bumped my head on the bedstead, but hey, it wasn't just any puffy dreams, right?
I especially hate the eerie quirks of deja vu with dreams, you know, feeling like i've seen this certain place i'm at in my dreams.. sometimes it makes you feel this kind of extensive itchiness under your skin.. like being watched. Heheh.. lame try of being spooky huh? Dreams can leave you groggy and makes you snappish for the rest of the day, but i think dreams are mere images in your head, so lets not take it seriously, eh? But taking it lightly would be a mindless act, because, ahehe.. it's going to be in your head for a while, and you just can't stop mulling over the same maudlin(hehe) dream over and over again, while having your caffeine fix in the morning..
The healthy thing to do before sleep is to clear stuffs away from your mind, just worry about things later.It's so disturbing when you can shut the computer down so easily, but you just can't shut irritating thoughts out of your head.. arggh,the agony! i find immersing myself in brushing my hair and curling in bed with a good book always help me to doze off later.. but if i am still in bed, staring numbly at the ornamental butterfly on the wall, well.. might as well get up and do something else.. like rearranging my books. I think i have this addiction of arranging and rearranging my possessions, hehe.. well, but not that much to the extent of me being an obssessive-compulsive person! Na-ah,i just do it to pass the time. It's fun, really, try filling an old gold-fish bowl with dried flowers, and add some glass marbles, and stick a few candles in-voila! a stylish piece eh?hehe..

the 'L' word.. haha(not loser,okay..)

If love were liquid it would drown me in a placeless place refine me,
in a heart shape come around me and then melt me slowly down
if love were human it would know me in a lost space come and show me,
hold me and control me and then melt me slowly down, like chocolate..
-from Kylie Minogue's chocolate

aha..i had the thought pf writing on the 'L' word.. but don't really have the right substances to write upon, but suddenly it hit me after a while.. hehe.
So.. what's love? where is it?that's a very Keatsian question,hehe.What do we know of love?It's such an annoyance to find that people do fall, time and time again, into the confusion between a crush, love, lust, .. it's a puzzling thing,eh? Love is a myth.. as cynics would say.. i mean,people who sums love with dating finds this- you go out with a guy, he takes you back, and you say "cya around" to each other, and tell your friends that you guys are dating.uhuh, okay..
To me love is openness, honesty, it's pouring yourself to somebody else, without actually losing yourself.. love is not losing yourself.It's not a matter of calling yourselves "tommyandgina" or other mushy stuffs, nor does it mean you have to be so 'committed' to each other that it means shutting everyone else out, that there is only "me and you" in this world, haha. As if saying 'i love u' will keep u living, will put food on the table, and everything's so happy, it's a la-la land..
YET.. love is not a myth.. what keeps a family stands as a family? Keeps a friendship tight? Keeps people strong? Love doesn't need a reason.It needs your all. and the other person's all too. What ALL? ask u, well. ALL=all that u were born with, just you, minus all other trimmings.That's why crushes are mere illusionary thoughts that are more hormone-driven than emotional driven, and unsurprisingly hits us in our wee high school years. After a while, u would realize that u didn't like that person, it's more to you WANTING to like that person.And that person would be someone you won't want to get anyway: too smart, too popular, too good-looking, just plain TOO MUCH.And we all know since we realize that too much candy rots our teeth that too much of anything is still a bad thing.. why is this?
Because we are obsessed of the idea of 'perfection'..and when we get close enough we'll realize that it's not as cracked up as it seems.. and that the mere imperfections of human life is what makes everything beautiful.A birthday cake won't be as special if everyday is your birthday, a wedding won't matter if you're having it everyday.. the short time limit is what makes things blissful, and most importantly =MEANINGFUL. This is what we should search for, a meaning, not perfection, because we would never know what is perfection, because that's not what we humans need.. as the nature of a human is that we are perfectly imperfect, this makes us the best among God's creation.
So love with all that u have, believe that if you don't make it happen, it won't happen. A bell is not a bell unless someone rings it, a love is never a love unless someone receives it. If you are true enough with your feelings, it will happen the way it is meant to happen, NOT the way you imagine it to be.If it doesn't.. don't rush, nor give up or surrender.If everything good comes a-rolling in front of us, would we appreciate it? would we treasure it? would we love it? NO, so believe that God knows better,that everything happens within a reason. if you want to love and be loved by the best person you can have, are you, yet, the best that you can be, now? no.. then we should always aspire to be the best version of ourselves everyday,so that when the time comes, all is left is for the both of you to complement each others' life:to live, and love, with all that you have, never in perfection, but always happy. Because then u will finally find-the true meaning of life:as the love reflected upon your loved one is the love u have for urself, and therefore implies the love for this gift of life given by God..

so close.. yet so far..

okay, so the title might seem like what i'd say when reaching for my coffee fix to widen my eyes to keep going in the morning, but, well, just want to say something about the fact that this year is almost coming towards the end! argh! i don't believe it myself..this year is definitely one of those hectic ones where you don't even realize that you are one year older..
i guess what matters is i've learnt loads for this year, not just the exams-related ones, but also about life, most importantly. i never regret meeting anyone, even those whom i find despicable, they always teach me something-usually what i should avoid doing so people won't despise me.
It's funny how some people get irritated of the fact that people around them are happy, and so they spread tall tales to ruin others' reputation.Funny how i get to hear innuendoes upon innuendoes that are as lame as the sickly pop songs belted out by boybands these days.. I'm totally over these stories because.. i've been in hostel for the past 5 years, and am totally bored of the fact that some people just can't leave their habit of bad mouthing others behind.However, i find it sad and depressing that a large number of us students, who are, suppossedly getting ready to pursue our studies abroad have the kind of thinking that equates that of a regular high-school teenager:complete with their adolescent-ish angst.. There. That's what i feel with people who think so lowly of others when they don't even try to get to know the other person first. They would never grow up from this one-way thinking and, oh, how i pity them! Just imagine how they're going to cope with an environment that requires a thinking that is universal, when they're still stuck in their narrow perceptions!

College isn't just a place for you to pore over your books, it's the place for you to hone your social skills, or more importantly, your adaptability to change. We're not polar bears, for goodness sake!Human beings are social creatures, and we are the best among all God's creation, so why, just why, are some acting like they are part of a pack of hounds sometimes??
I guess they have this anxiety that they have to feed by stepping on other's feelings.. well, self-esteem is always the issue, especially with teens, but no one else understands what we feel better than those around our age, so why not talk to them? Sometimes you have to ditch your ego to enable you to better yourself, it's alright to try, people won't make fun of you, instead they'd be honoured that you look up to them, and would be more than happy to help you. Opening up to others does not show your stupidity, it shows that you are smart enough to not let yourself feel deprived, this is a sign of maturity, which people will respect.
Alright, i'm willing to apologize for sounding like a motivational text-book, but i can't keep these thoughts out of my head. I hate seeing people in depression and looking hung down and always on the look out to make others feel down as well.. we should be supporting each other, i mean we got each other, and we should push each other to be better, not going backwards.You have all that you need right in front of you, it just takes the will and effort for you to realize that it is there, and make use of it well.

Life would be so much better when you care about it, it's eaxctly like how a relationship works.. so if it's not working, then do something about it.. before it's too late..