How did your week go? (*.*)..hmmph

oh, my,my,my,my.... this week, so far, has been such a series of astoundingly dramatic series of events that I can barely even catch my breath.. fuhh.. I so badly need some peace of mind and just don't use my brains for a while.. okay, so there was that one week I had at home, well-spent by reddening my face in front of the oven(cookies anyone?) and poring over maths questions which looks more like jumbles of numbers and symbols than 'interesting' mathematical problems.. and trying on new baju.. sheesh, I 'balik kampung' with fatigue and a decreasing appetite. But of course, once I got into the Raya mood, nothing, and I mean nothing can make me unhappy.. or so I thought..

I've long felt that as I get older, the more I understand complicated matters, and the more feelings I get with every event occurring, even those which I find insignificant a few years ago. I know we humans are not meant to ask the inevitable question "WHY?!", because there's a reason for everything to happen.. but I, like everyone else, can't stop myself from depressing myself with that question poisoning my mind. But I know how to pick myself up, I believe that God wants us to go through the plans He has made for us because He knows that we CAN take it, He knows that we NEED that to happen to us.. Because we are His.. and He knows us soooo much better than any other being.. I believe everything that happens will build me up, heck, i will be shaken and roughen up, but yeah, mark my words, I'll be bolder than ever.

I am grateful that with every second that I live, I savory each things that happen to me, it makes me irritated when I see people who just let go of everything.. you have to realize, meaning be alert with everything that's happening to you, because when you REALIZE things, you start being REAL about LIFE. Nothing is fully black, nor is it fully white and you have to figure that out.. even if that means by doing it the hard way.

I feel so blessed that I got to meet so many people who teaches me so much without me even realizing it. I believe everyone who plays a part in my life is a 'Superstar' and I am just an observer, a lone audience, and if I do a play a part in their lives, dear God, I hope I made them want to be better. I could still remember what a friend of mine said, though I just got to know her for a few months. She's not someone who talks so much, and surprised I was when she told me "Sya, you are something else, don't give it up so easily,ya?" I was at loss of words(now that's something which rarely happens to me, eh?) I was perpetually perplexed (that phrase is for confusion, or so I believe), but I guess I've cracked the code: she was advising me NOT TO GIVE UP LIFE, to live fully. I DO NOT want to brag that someone thinks of me as a 'sui generis', but I just want to say that if someone else, who has barely gotten to know you, thinks of you highly and believes in you, why shouldn't you do that, to yourself, for your own sake? Simply put, believe in yourself, hardships come and go, as do happiness, but it is part of life, and if you want to enjoy being alive, you'd better swallow that fact whole, without doubt nor complaints.

This is a song by AFI(A Fire Inside),Morningstar.My take on this song is, it tells of the insecurities of human; being mortals, leading an insignificant life, change and it's effects, relationships, isolation, feelings, dying.. it has lots to do with what i've written, but I'll leave it to you viewers to make your own interpretation(s).

~ Morningstar ~
I saw a star beneath the stairs
glowing through the melting wall.
Who will be the first, to begin their fall?
Or will we become one?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?
I saw a star beneath the stairs
glowing bright before descent
and in the morning, there is nothing left
but what's inside of me.
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?
And I don't, want to, die tonight; will you believe in me?
And I don't ,want to fall, into the light.
Will you wish upon?
Will you walk upon me?
I don't want to die tonight..
Will you believe in me tonight?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I a ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything??
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I a ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything??