I collect pointless stuffs

I love collecting pointless stuffs. There is an inexplainable euphoric feeling as i carefully clean then arrange them in their cases neatly.
I've had a collection of soap boxes,chocolate wrappers, strings and ribbons, buttons, beads, stickers, scraps of fabric and boxes so tiny, that you can only insert two fingers in them.I started my collection of Ice Latte cans last year, and i got about thirty, and still counting. I do,however, collect the more 'ordinary' things like stamps,keychains and stuffs. I've often wished that i could have this huge box which is divided into millions of sections so i can sort my collection in them. I never throw away anything that i find intersting, even useless bits of paper. what i do with all the junk,ask you?
With this vast collection of mine,I made tiny trinkets to give away to people, not just for some big occassion, but also for absolutely no definite reason at all. I guess i love spontaeinity, so i enjoy surprising people with my peculiar gifts. I made an applique(a kind of stitching of layers of fabric on one piece of cloth to make a picture/pattern) of a girl once, finger puppets from bottles, jewellery, paintings on used boards, lots of bags and cases, dolls.. once i used a dozen of emptied miniscule screw-cap bottles and fill them with individually made perfume, in varying colours and scents. I even put them in boxes and tied them with different coloured ribbons and gave them to friends by matching their personality with the perfumes: example: sky-blue, chamomile scented one for a friend who's such a delicate and polite little lady. I had lots of fun doing that. My mother told me i love spending time doing insignificant things for others, who might not even appreciate what i do. Well, i don't what i do just so people will be satisfied .. it only matters that I feel satisfied and happy doing it,and honestly, i don't create anything by starting with the receiver in mind, however of what i'm gong to make, and i keep it focused until it's done the way i want it to be. I love when people use what i gave them, however, and am not offende if they throw it into the dustbin if they find it useless.
It amazes even myself when i find me so immersed in this peculiar hobby of mine, and, inquisitive as i am, i wondered why i loved doing it? Then it hit me.. sometimes i do things because i want to make amends. Everyone, at some point, despise themselves for not doing the right things and unconsciously try to make emotional recovery by doing other deeds that, they assume, could disguise the frustration to themselves. Feelings are funny, annoying little imps that manages to drive you up the wall at times. We all know this, but being humans, we can't help ourselves when we succumb to the feelings we try so hard to push away.By saying this, i see that as i collect pointless stuffs.. I collect fragments of my insecurities, thumb through them, find remedies for them and use it rightfully. I sort them, keep them in memory and everytime faced with a similar situation, i have the exact remedy and use it, all without me realizing it.In a way, it made me more positive, and i'm not even trying.
I love the fact that there's a reason for everything, and that we don't know it when we so desperately want to. It makes me smile when i realize it.. and it makes me what i am today : better than what i was yesterday, and it makes me believe i will be even better tomorrow.

How did your week go? (*.*)..hmmph

oh, my,my,my,my.... this week, so far, has been such a series of astoundingly dramatic series of events that I can barely even catch my breath.. fuhh.. I so badly need some peace of mind and just don't use my brains for a while.. okay, so there was that one week I had at home, well-spent by reddening my face in front of the oven(cookies anyone?) and poring over maths questions which looks more like jumbles of numbers and symbols than 'interesting' mathematical problems.. and trying on new baju.. sheesh, I 'balik kampung' with fatigue and a decreasing appetite. But of course, once I got into the Raya mood, nothing, and I mean nothing can make me unhappy.. or so I thought..

I've long felt that as I get older, the more I understand complicated matters, and the more feelings I get with every event occurring, even those which I find insignificant a few years ago. I know we humans are not meant to ask the inevitable question "WHY?!", because there's a reason for everything to happen.. but I, like everyone else, can't stop myself from depressing myself with that question poisoning my mind. But I know how to pick myself up, I believe that God wants us to go through the plans He has made for us because He knows that we CAN take it, He knows that we NEED that to happen to us.. Because we are His.. and He knows us soooo much better than any other being.. I believe everything that happens will build me up, heck, i will be shaken and roughen up, but yeah, mark my words, I'll be bolder than ever.

I am grateful that with every second that I live, I savory each things that happen to me, it makes me irritated when I see people who just let go of everything.. you have to realize, meaning be alert with everything that's happening to you, because when you REALIZE things, you start being REAL about LIFE. Nothing is fully black, nor is it fully white and you have to figure that out.. even if that means by doing it the hard way.

I feel so blessed that I got to meet so many people who teaches me so much without me even realizing it. I believe everyone who plays a part in my life is a 'Superstar' and I am just an observer, a lone audience, and if I do a play a part in their lives, dear God, I hope I made them want to be better. I could still remember what a friend of mine said, though I just got to know her for a few months. She's not someone who talks so much, and surprised I was when she told me "Sya, you are something else, don't give it up so easily,ya?" I was at loss of words(now that's something which rarely happens to me, eh?) I was perpetually perplexed (that phrase is for confusion, or so I believe), but I guess I've cracked the code: she was advising me NOT TO GIVE UP LIFE, to live fully. I DO NOT want to brag that someone thinks of me as a 'sui generis', but I just want to say that if someone else, who has barely gotten to know you, thinks of you highly and believes in you, why shouldn't you do that, to yourself, for your own sake? Simply put, believe in yourself, hardships come and go, as do happiness, but it is part of life, and if you want to enjoy being alive, you'd better swallow that fact whole, without doubt nor complaints.

This is a song by AFI(A Fire Inside),Morningstar.My take on this song is, it tells of the insecurities of human; being mortals, leading an insignificant life, change and it's effects, relationships, isolation, feelings, dying.. it has lots to do with what i've written, but I'll leave it to you viewers to make your own interpretation(s).

~ Morningstar ~
I saw a star beneath the stairs
glowing through the melting wall.
Who will be the first, to begin their fall?
Or will we become one?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?
I saw a star beneath the stairs
glowing bright before descent
and in the morning, there is nothing left
but what's inside of me.
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?
And I don't, want to, die tonight; will you believe in me?
And I don't ,want to fall, into the light.
Will you wish upon?
Will you walk upon me?
I don't want to die tonight..
Will you believe in me tonight?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I a ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything??
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I a ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything??

Raya = YAY!(enough said)

Among my close buddies, i've always been known as the most excitable one when it comes to the Hari Raya celebration.We used to take our final exams before going back for Raya, so most of my question papers are full of sketchings of my kampung, raya cookies i plan to bake,my fave Raya songs, and, (obviously) my 'baju Raya'. I could still remember when i was about three or four(when all my cousins were still adorable) my gran used one 'papan' of cloth to make our kurungs. We look so comical in the faded pictures that my gran still keeps, which my cousins and I love flipping through everytime Raya comes.I enjoy being part of a large family because you never feel bored, and though there's loads of work to be done for the Raya preparations, it doesn't seem tedious because you WANT to get involved. Even the small ones want to help,(filling the woven ketupat cases with rice, and spilling half of it while doing so) and the only distraction(s) will only exist if some smart guy brought the Playstation 2 or a PC to kampung.
My task would always be,(surprise, surprise!) the dishes! I don't really mind as i love playing with water. The only thing that i can't stand is having to serve large jugs of rose syrup to guests.Why? Imagine: balancing a large platter of fragile glasses and a humongous jug while ignoring cruel jeers from your obnoxious cousins, taking the walk of shame(okay, i'm exaggerating),then laying the platter while trying to make the least noise as possible,filling a dozen of glasses meticulously so it would not stain gran's brand new tablecloth,... and doing all these with a smile on your face (don't fake one, guests can detect anxiety). It doesnt help when the guests start being friendly (i mean the wrong way:"Mari la rumah mak cik, ada banyak orang bujang")or your mum starts introducing you to the guests while you stand grinning awkwardly with the platter still in your hands (nobody can look good with one, unless you wore one of those mini maid uniforms sold at fancy shops).. you then dash back to the kitchen where everyone are having the biggest laugh of the day at you. Hmmph.. It's no big deal, actually but the fact that you know you are going to be laughed at is kind of a bummer.
My mum is actually thrilled because i'm going home quite early this time, so i can bake lots of cookies, instead of the usual three i used to make for Raya annually (choc chip, Almond London and pineapple tart). Can't wait to go home! Happy Raya everyone!