home is where the heart is

If someone told me that i was going to be sent to boarding school when i was seven years old, i would say that the person has completely lost his/her marbles. My parents were both sent to boarding school at the age of thirteen, and they do want their children to follow their steps, but not even a single cell in my body had ever wished to be sent to stay in a stinking hostel. When i was twelve, i went to an all-girls school where everyone knows everyone and we were thinking that we'll still be studying together in secondary school. I LOVED Assunta because of the lively girls that were my friends back then. School was very enjoyable and i cherished every moment i spend there. And then.. mum told me i got an offer to MRSM. I don't need to think to reply to this offer, the answer would always be a no. It was in a place called Muadzam Shah, in Pahang, which doesn't sound so inviting to me, provided i 've never heard of the place before. But i i still went there, stayed for three years, in fact. Three dreadful, drawling years. (an attempt to utilize alliteration, hahha)Why did i go? Honestly.. in the beginning,it was to fulfil my mum's wish. Really. But after a few months, i came to realise why i should be there. It was because the experience I'd gain would benefit me later on in life. It's a very cliched answer but it's honest and proven true, over and over again. By the way, mums knows best, and there's no point in denying this, whether we like it or not. I've come to see that it's human instinct that you don't know what you need, but you know what you want. However, you can't always get what you want.. but you can try, and in the end, you'll realise that you'll get what you deserve. I know of this song:

You can't always get what you want.. but if you try sometime, you might find..
you get what you need (Rolling Stones)

and also

What you have isn't always what you wanted.. what you need.. always turns out to be- someone you should know (Lisa Loeb)

I love humming these songs, but at first i didn't really care about the meaning. After sometime, i can see living life will lead you to finding someone who's your only true best friend- YOU. You'll see that it was you all along- you who set the boundaries, you who chose to be the way you are, you who made those mistakes.. you, you, you. Then only can you stop blaming everyone and everything else and start focusing on your own self, because you understand and accept the fact that everything in your life starts and ends with you.

Life isn't a paperback novel where the author can just stop when everything becomes 'LA-LA' -happy and gay, sunhine and butterflies and bunnies... You can't pause, rewind or redo your actions like buttons on a remote control. That's why i decided a long time ago that chances do not differentiate people, but their decisions do. But then, you might argue 'what if i don't get that chance?' Easy-you could have CHOSEN TO MAKE THAT CHANCE. The outcome doesn't matter, because you know you've tried and that you'd know better what to do when faced with that kind of situation later on in the days to come.

In order to make a decision, you have to relate the subject to you, which leads to why it's so darned important for you to really,really know yourself. You are the only 'home' to your thoughts, your passions, your anxieties, everything.. and the one who opens, shuts, and locks the door is you. The key to finding self is to figure out who you are and work on aspects that you want to improve to be a wholly better person. Okay, so i'm starting to sound like one of those motivational paperbacks with girlish covers, but hey, this is what i've gained and i guess i could share this with others.

Quite simply put, i believe that we are our own 'home', and so we have to work with what we have, because we're stuck being us for a whole lifetime. You can decorate, extend or even demolish your 'home' like you don't care, but you know that in the end you have to care, so you'd better do something about it.

So let's take a few minutes and look at look at your 'home'.. what do you think about it?